Do you ever wake up in the morning happy to be awake early? Happy to be alive? Looking forward to all of the days activities…. even if it’s just about getting housework done? This has been me for the past couple of days. It’s weird.
I get excited when I wake up and can’t wait to start living. I’ve been more enjoyable to be around, not complaining and nagging, or getting frustrated with my husband and children.
I’ve been trying to stay positive and look at the wonderful things about my life. I don’t focus on what I don’t have, I’ve been focusing on what I do have. Ella might be a pill (like at church today) but it’s okay, because she’s here…. alive. She could be dead. Yes, quite morbid, but she did almost die as a newborn and instead of getting all stressed out, I am starting to appreciate the fact that I do have a toddler here with me to throw a fit. Her fits can be like music to my ears, because it could be like Mya. I never got to hear her throw a fit, or laugh, or have her pull my hair. I have gotten to the point where I understand why she’s gone. I have accepted it. She died so Ella could be here. In my heart I know that we will all be together one day. One day I will get to meet Mya and I will thank her for allowing me to have Ella in my life. Without Mya dying there would be no Ella. That is my positive outlook on losing Mya. It took me a long time to get there, but I’m there. I’m at peace.
I often times get overwhelmed with all of the tasks that I have to complete. Well, instead of letting these tasks overwhelm me I’m trying to be thankful for the fact that I am able to stay home and have these tasks. I could be working out of my home and not be able to see my children until 5:30pm at night. Thankfully, I spend every waking moment with Ella and with Jayden when he’s out of school. I am thankful for that. I am thankful that I put my mind to being able to become a work at home mom and I did it. I want to be here for my children. I want to be the one who raises them, and I cannot express how much gratitude I have.
Being thankful isn’t something that is so easily done. You have to actually think about these things and realize the many tiny, little things in life that you don’t realize are so wonderful. The fact that I have running water, food ALWAYS on my table, a husband that is my best friend, and children who are loving and a son that has more respect than I’ve ever seen in a boy. These little things about life make me smile and feel overwhelmed with thanks.
When you feel like your life is out of control and there’s a million reasons why you hate your life, you should stop and make a list of all the things you love about your life, the things you’re thankful for…. even the small things. Focus on those things, and make your life what you want it to be…. paint your own picture. That is what I have been doing and I’m very thankful for it all.