A lot of my friends started life out a little differently than I did. They went to college, met, fell in love, got married, had kids, breastfed, completely started out in the mother/wife role…. this is how they were raised, this is how they did things. It’s all they’ve ever known to want.
I’m different. It’s noticeable that I am different. I get questions like when did you and Gino get married. May 15, 2004. Yes, you do the math… that was 5 years ago, and *GASP* our oldest is 8. We met, got pregnant, and just grew up and learned together…. yes, the THREE of us. The fact that I was pregnant in no way made me want to get married. I knew that I would be getting married because I was in love. Lucky for me it happened to be the father of my child that I decided to spend the rest of my life with. Ella came at a much more stable time in our life.
When talks of breastfeeding are going on, I just put a smile on my face and stay out of the subject because *GASP* I CHOSE not to breastfeed. Yup, I gave my kids that horrific poison that made it so that my kids NEVER got sick until they were way past the 1 year mark. No ear infections…. EVER. Healthy and smart…. can you believe it?!?! I’ve thought about IF there was ever to be a 3rd that I would possibly breastfeed, but I know that 2 times in a row now my kids have had tremendous success on formula. Did I mention that I too was formula fed, and I too am still alive?
I will never be them. I will never be the perfect housewife, the perfect mom, the perfect stranger, or the perfect friend. My differences from my friends is obvious. I have always felt that I am different. I’ve experienced things in life that they haven’t. I’ve experienced things in life that have made me grow into who I am. I know who I am. I do not follow in the footsteps of ANYBODY. I have created my footsteps through trial and error. My faith was not handed to me. I didn’t have the privilege of being taken to church every Sunday and being told that THIS IS WHAT WE BELIEVE. I know that you eventually get your own testimony, but you are given the opportunity to gain that. Nope, I got to experience *prior edited out, because it was written out of frustration…..if you were lucky enough to get here before I decided against writing it, then you know more about me than others know* things that I can look back on and say….
Thank you, God. Thank you for for giving me the opportunity to find my way back to the church that I once was a part of as a very small child. Thank you for showing me that even though all of that stuff was FUN it didn’t give me JOY. Joy to me is something that I hold so dear to my heart, because before a couple of years ago I didn’t have joy in my life. I was happy, but I wasn’t complete.
But I’m most thankful for the path I took to get here. I’m thankful that I found my way and I will always be me. Whether people like it or not, I am who I am…. and I love myself. I know that I will never be perfect. I’m going to do things that my friends would NEVER in a million years do. Because I am me. And just because I’ve grown to love something so much, I will always be ME. I love the mistakes I’ve made, because without them, I wouldn’t be ME. Without those mistakes Gino and I wouldn’t be a WE.