Life, Family & What’s Important

My life has changed A LOT these past couple of months.  Some for the good, some for the bad, but I’m embracing them all.  

The good ~ I no longer have a JOB (Just Over Broke) and have gone into business for myself.  I’m on a major life organizing kick, and strangely I feel like I’m cleaning and organizing my soul.  I’ve made my unfinished business list and have crossed quite a few items off…. I can’t wait until all the items are crossed off.

The bad ~ I lost another baby.  There’s no words for this.  I don’t get it.  By now I’d be close to feeling flutters in my stomach, instead I’m trying to figure out how to lose my stomach.

I’ve been thinking about a lot of stuff lately.  Maybe it has to do with all of the changes going on here, but my thoughts mostly have been about family.

I really don’t have a family.  I have siblings that come and go.  I’ve never had a healthy relationship with any of them, because not only did I have a dysfunctional childhood… I think they had a worse childhood.  I’ve noticed with my family that they come in and out in and out in and out and have DRAMA.  But it’s okay.  I’m coming to the realization that none of them matter.  It doesn’t matter if I have a sister that’s my best friend, because I have a husband that’s my best friend.  It doesn’t matter if one day they like me the next they are jealous of me, because honestly… they really don’t matter.  Sounds harsh right?  Trust me, with my family it’s just the way it has to be.

I’m okay with my dysfunctional family and whether they’re present or absent in my life.  I have the most STABLE (word I never knew growing up) family under my own roof.  We are creating a life for our children that is secure.  At the end of the day our little family here under this very roof is what matters.  There’s no drama, there’s no being cautious of what you say.  It’s just pure, unconditional love, and I can’t even begin to explain how happy I am that I Finally have a family.  A true, unconditional, loving family.

I need to let the hurt go.  The hurt of my father, the hurt of my grandmother, the hurt of my sister, the hurt of my brother ~ the hurt of my entire dad’s side of the family.  I NEED TO LET IT GO.  I need to realize I don’t need them, they’ve done nothing but give me conditional love, and that’s no family.

So, from here on out no more wishing, wondering, just appreciating, because I LOVE MY FAMILY ~ the Family we are creating.

Photobucket

3 comments to Life, Family & What’s Important

  • abba12

    I'm in much the same boat. I want them in my life so much, but I know they'll only hurt me. I'm going for a middle ground atm. It still gets me hurt but I can't bring myself to let go yet.

    I pray I'm able to raise my children in a better enviroment than my parents raised me.

  • Crystal Escobar

    What a great post. You and I are seriously a lot alike. I deal with a little jealousy here and there with my little sis. She's the one I have the most problems with. But, I too, came from a VERY disfunctional family. Moving about every 6 months, broken home, and a, well, let's just say, my dad has some MAJOR problems. It is nice to know that we can create a better life for our children.

  • Neener

    I love you and I will ALWAYS AND FOREVER BE YOUR FAMILY…as you will be MINE! xoxoxoxoxo

    P.S. This was so honest, and I know it's hard to let go and try to not care! But you do have the most amazing and stable family, and your children are so blessed to have you and Gino and the life that you have created for them!

Leave a Reply

 

 

 

You can use these HTML tags

<a href="" title=""> <abbr title=""> <acronym title=""> <b> <blockquote cite=""> <cite> <code> <del datetime=""> <em> <i> <q cite=""> <s> <strike> <strong>

CommentLuv badge

script type="text/javascript"> var _gaq = _gaq || []; _gaq.push(['_setAccount', 'UA-18226578-1']); _gaq.push(['_trackPageview']); (function() { var ga = document.createElement('script'); ga.type = 'text/javascript'; ga.async = true; ga.src = ('https:' == document.location.protocol ? 'https://ssl' : 'http://www') + '.google-analytics.com/ga.js'; var s = document.getElementsByTagName('script')[0]; s.parentNode.insertBefore(ga, s); })();