Today is 2 weeks & 5 days of us being a family of 5. I don’t think it’s been going extremely fast as I feel like Aliyah has been here with us a lot longer than that. But she hasn’t and I’m sitting back and realizing how different things actually are.
I didn’t expect things to change much, because what’s another kid in the scheme of things? Things are actually changing with the other two. Things that I don’t want to change are changing. I’m holding a lot of this in and it’s probably not a good thing, but I’m very emotional about the differences in their personalities that I’m noticing.
Jayden’s not listening as well as he did before. I’ve been frustrated with him and my patience is worn so thin already from Ella’s new behavior issues that I just at times CAN’T HANDLE ANYTHING MORE. It seems like when I’m at my breaking point Jayden starts acting out. Then I sit here thinking….. holy crap what in the world am I going to do? Then after I’m acting frustrated and irritated with Jayden I start to feel so guilty. I expect him to always be good and be my helper, but I can’t expect these things always from him. He’s 9, and he’s so patient and understanding when it comes to his sisters. He knows that they’re younger and that they require more attention, and he never complains. I owe it to him to be patient with him. I owe it to him to make sure that I am putting aside time EVERY, SINGLE DAY for just the two of us. Just the two of us to talk, to read, to watch a movie together….. I HAVE to make sure that he’s getting his special attention from his mom. I HAVE to remember that he needs praise for all of the things that he does for me. I can’t forget to let him know how grateful I am for all the help he gives me, for the hard work he puts into his school work, and for the amazing big brother he is to both of his sisters.
My Ella. Oh my sweet, sweet girl who seriously has my heart grasped in her little hand. She’s been my baby for the past 3 1/2 years and all of a sudden when I look at her I don’t see baby anymore; I see a girl. Ever since I came home from the hospital she doubled in size. She’s become more independent and doesn’t “need” me as much anymore. I still cling to the snuggles I get when she crawls into my bed in the middle of the night. As much as I don’t like her in my bed, it still gives me a sense of her still being my baby girl in a way. She’s been amazing with her new baby sister. No jealousy, just love. She’s been a struggle though in other ways. She isn’t listening. At all. To the point where I seriously just want to freak the freak out. My patience with her has worn EXTREMELY thin and I find myself just praying that we can have one day of her cooperating and not making things difficult for me. Actually, not even a day…. half of a day would be lovely.
But I need to realize that life for them has changed. For Jayden it’s changed drastically, because not only has a new baby entered his life – he’s now being homeschooled. I need to find the patience within me that they need. I need to realize that they’re acting out because life as they knew it has changed.
Many people have told me that 3 kids is hard, and I’m realizing now that it’s the effect on the other children that makes it hard. Adding Aliyah into the mix isn’t hard; she’s not hard. It’s just having everybody find their new place in this growing family. It’s me having to allow Ella to become a little girl as she so abruptly flees from being my baby. It’s making sure that Jayden doesn’t feel like he’s getting lost in the mix of little ones. These are the things that are hard as a mom for me. My heart aches thinking that they might silently be struggling inside with the new changes in our life.
But in the end I know they love Aliyah so much, and I know that this too shall pass. And until then I will lavish in these beauties that I call mine.