I don’t know if I’ll ever be able to understand why we continue to be given the same challenge in life over and over again.
A challenge that I hate to go through,
A challenge I detest
We’re going through our 3rd miscarriage.
This baby wasn’t planned.
I was furious when I found out.
But then things changed – and I started to dream, and to love, and to hope.
But then I was left empty, I was left hopeless and my dreams were shattered.
I hate the pity,
I hate the difference towards me,
I hate how people think it’s better off avoiding me,
because they don’t know what to say to me.
Why can’t people just treat me normal?
I’m still me – just tainted with what some might see as some disease.
I saw the heartbeat up on the screen. The amount of love that welled up in me was not what I had expected.
See, a baby with a toddler just seemed overwhelming, but I realized that my heart was sure enough growing.
I loved the pitter patter, and started to dream and then I got the news….
you left me
you left me empty,
you left me missing,
you left me dreamless,
you left me
So here I sit realizing that dreams change, plans dissolve, but life surely must go on.
I’ve found myself missing the three babies God took from me,
I’ve found my reasons to smile in the three babies God entrusted with me.
There’s nothing easy about losing a baby,
There is however an amazing amount of strength that you discover.
So, yes, you left me –
you left me empty, yet full of love.
you left me dreamless, yet full of hope.
you left me missing, and this, my baby, will always remain.
I will miss you forever and love you the same.