What our FHE taught me

On Sunday I woke up and I really thought that it was going to be a great Sunday! We all had our church clothes laid out and then the unexpected (well, I should have expected it) happened. Gino asked if he’d like me to keep Ella with him. This threw me! THREW ME for a loop. I didn’t flip, and I just said, “No, thanks, but she’s going to nursery this Sunday.” The kids and I proceeded to get ready and we went to church. Okay… I know, I wouldn’t walk out the door that easily w/out saying something horribly harsh and stabbing. So, luckily I had Gino to start me off by saying to me, “I’ll pray for you today.” I turned around and said, “Hmmm…. I’ll pray for you and ask for your name to be taken off the rolls of the church so you can join Satan’s church.”

Wow.

Did I REALLY say that? YUP. I most certainly did, and felt like bawling all the way to church. I’ve been so confused as to why Gino is going backwards when all I want to do is make it to the temple and get sealed.

I walked into church and of course the bishop’s wife who has that motherly touch was right there and hugged me and….. I LOST IT! I started bawling and couldn’t stop. Then I went to the bathroom, got myself together then my friend Kari came to sit by me and I lost it again. I mean, the tears were FLOWING! It was horrible. It was a momentous day, the first day Ella went to nursery and I was sad that Gino wasn’t going to be there for it. I had many emotions that day, and I felt beyond emotional.

So, Bishop and I talked and I’m not going to be in primary anymore. I didn’t have to ask, but when I told him that I think it’s my calling that’s keeping Gino from coming to church he said he’d take care of it. I wanted to be in primary so badly. I loved being in there with Jayden, and I just might sneak in and hang out in there after Sunday school.

I have to do what’s best for my family, and if Gino’s not ready for me to leave him for the last 2 hours of church by himself, then I have to put his needs first. I feel good. I came home and we had a great talk and I think that he’ll be at church on Sunday. I hope he is.

This is an example of where I need to try to Be like Jesus. Just like our Family Home Evening lesson LAST NIGHT. I need to be compassionate of Gino’s feelings, be patient with his journey, and understanding. I also need to put him first. Right now, he’s got to be feeling somewhat insecure, because this is really all new to him. I may have been active now for a year, but Gino’s just really starting out here. There’s so much to learn and instead of feeling pressures, that’s exactly what he should be doing. If there’s a Sunday where he doesn’t want to go to church I need to be understanding and not push. Not get mad, but love him even more for the progress that he’s already made. The hard steps of changing his life because he loves us that much.

The Next American Idol

I personally think that the American Idol thing is stupid. A few really good singers have come from it, but a lot of them I really can’t stand, or I think they SUCK. So not nice, I know.

We did watch the first episode this season, because there was nothing else on, and we thought Jayden would really enjoy it.

Jayden loved it and told Gino, “Dad! You need to go on there. You’re a great singer!”

It touched Gino so much that he asked me to put it on my blog. Gino never asks me to put anything on my blog, so here it is.

Our trip in pictures and some words



Our trip to California was quick. We had such a fun time though. Friday after Jayden got out of school we took off and got into town around 8:30pm. At 10:30 pm we went to the movies with my sister while my mom watched the kids. We saw that 3D My Bloody Valentine movie – I actually really liked it!

Saturday I picked up my niece Alana so that she could go to the birthday party. She is such a beautiful little girl. I hadn’t seen her since she was 6 weeks old, so it was an amazing reunion. And so fun to watch her and Ella with each other.

We went to Chuck E Cheese for Vani’s 2nd Birthday. Ella was in HEAVEN there! She’d never been to anything like it before, so her eyes lit up and she was having the time of her life. The little smarty pants even figured out that you needed tokens and would take the token and try to put it in the machine.

We finally got a picture of all of the cousins together. This is the first time that they’ve all been together at the same time. Sad it took so long, but we FINALLY got it!!

Then on Sunday morning we woke up early and went to Stockton to see Gino’s mom and little brother, Gabriel. We took them to Arroyo’s, which is probably the best Mexican food I’ve ever had in my life. It was a nice visit. I really do enjoy visiting with his mom.


After lunch on Sunday we headed on our way home, but we had one more stop to make. We were going to do a surprise visit to Gino’s dad and step-mom’s house. We pulled up and they were so happy to see us. We only stayed for a couple hours, then we ventured on our way home and arrived at 9:30pm. And we went straight to bed.



So, it was a quick, but very enjoyable trip.

Marriage, Life, Church – UGH it’s all hard

Life isn’t always perfect. Pictures don’t always show the whole story. My smile sometimes is a lie. I don’t know what is going on right now, but I feel like things are falling apart. It’s funny, because in the primary class that I teach we were talking about apostasy and restoration.
There was a time of apostasy on this earth when the fullness of the gospel was taken away. Then when Joseph Smith had the first vision, the start of the restoration started.

I feel as if my family is about to go through the apostasy. Yeah, a little harsh – and I know there are probably a lot of members that know my family that gasping. Life sucks sometimes and I don’t know what went wrong.

I for one will say that being a member of this church is hard to be a part of. They ask a lot of you and it’s not easy. You get to go to church and see all these “perfect” families that were born into this and have never known a different life and think to yourself, ‘Hmmm we’ll never be there.’ We are not perfect. I don’t have a husband that thrives to serve others like all the men in this church seem to do; I have a husband who thinks the world revolves around him and is probably the most narcissistic person that I’ve ever met. He gives murmuring a whole new meaning. But he’s my husband and with or without the church I love him. I’m not perfect…. I have so many faults, but I’m trying. I’m trying to be the Mormon wife, the Mormon mom. But life is not so sugar coated as it seems, well at least not when you’re starting out at this so late in life.

I do know this. It’s hard, but it’s what we’re supposed to do. With or without my husband, I will continue to be a member of this church and hope that it gives my children the morals and principles that I want them to have with them for the rest of their lives. Getting up on Sunday and going to church for 3 hours is hard sometimes, but what’s 3 hours out of 168 hours? 3 hours out of our week is NOTHING. There are things that my husband doesn’t understand. Things he thinks are inconvenient, and I don’t know how to go about showing him the reason why we are called to do callings that take our time, why we have to go to church for so long, and why he should be going to church instead of watching that stupid football game that could have been DVRed.

I’m bitter today. I see him slowly pull away and by the time that we’ll be able to finally be sealed together as a family he won’t be in the same spot I am. What a horrible thing. Apostacy sure has a new meaning for me, and I hope to God that it doesn’t hit this family that has come SO FAR from what it used to be.

Mixed Feelings

I’m having mixed feelings about my new calling to Primary. I think that the calling is great and I know that I could learn a lot from who I’d be teaching with, but I just think that the timing is not right. I don’t feel comfortable leaving Gino to attend Sunday school by himself. He’s so new to all of this and I can see him falling away from the church a little bit. Not wanting to stay after Sacrament, and I just think he’s too new of a member to do this to.

I feel bad going and turning down my calling, but something inside of me keeps screaming that I need to turn it down.

I don’t know what to do. 🙁

I KNEW it was gonna happen – JUST KNEW IT!

So, I’ve been waiting ever so patiently for Ella to turn 18 months so I could shove her into Nursery and actually listen during Sunday School & Relief Society. I’ve always had this feeling inside that right when she was ready to go to Nursery that I’d get a calling that would be in primary.

Today I got called to teach the 8 year olds turning 9 this year. The ones that just got baptized. I’ll be teaching the class with the Bishop’s wife, Wendy, who I absolutely love. So, I’m pretty excited, but had to giggle inside that what I had a feeling would happen actually did happen. This year we had made the decision to stop going to Gospel Essentials and start going to Gospel Doctrine instead… especially since they’d be studying Doctrine & Covenents, but Gino will get to hang out in there all by himself…. or with Ella until she turns 18 months. I”ll still study the weekly lessons with Gino at home so I can learn, and so that he’ll be prepared and understand what they’re talking about.

Today was Testimony Sunday at church and I still didn’t feel like I was ready to get up and share my testimony… I don’t know why, because I do have a strong testimony. I’ve seen this gospel completely turn my family around. We’re not even the same people as we were before. Gino has done a complete turn around and I’m so thankful for the gospel. It’s only been a year and 1 month that we started coming to church, and a year and 1 month ago I never would’ve thought we’d be where we are now. I’m thankful that I now have a better understanding of why I’m here on this earth. I’m not just lost in this world wondering what the point of it all is. I know what the point is, and I know what I’m supposed to be doing, and I’m striving my hardest to do it all. I’m not perfect, and neither is my husband, but we’ve come such a long way and it feels good to be on the path that we’re on. I hope we never lose track of it, because it feel so right and so good.

I’m feeling absolutely horrible today and I don’t know what’s wrong. I don’t have a cold or the flu, but I just don’t feel well. It may just be my body telling me that it’s had enough of the torture I’ve put it through these past few days of doing major stuff around the house, so maybe I need to listen to it and just relax for the rest of the day.

HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!!

Nothing’s better than celebrating the New Year with your family. Prior years we’ve gone out and let me tell you from experience, IT FEELS SO MUCH BETTER TO START THE NEW YEARS WITHOUT A HANGOVER!!!

We rang in the year with movies, Uno and a little Welch’s Grape Bubbly. It was the perfect night! I got to kiss my babies right after kissing my husband and was happy that we were all safe at home…. together.

Here’s a couple pics and a video of Jayden singing. HAPPY NEW YEAR!!


She conked out until the blowing of the New Years horns I bought woke her up

Early Christmas for Ella – Elmo’s World

Yesterday I took the entire day to myself. I shopped, spent time with one of my sisters (one of the daughters of my dad… the 16 year old) and got my teeth cleaned, checked in w/my orthodontist…. it was a BUSY BUSY day. I absolutely loved every single second that I was out of the house without my kids.

While I was gone Gino had the kids helping out around the house. He told me Ella even had the swiffer and was mopping for him. Excuse me, but why don’t my kids do this for me??!?!?! Why is that my husband can get them to be productive but I can’t? Ridiculous!

Anyways… Gino went into our garage, which is nightmare beyond nightmare beyond nightmare to try to find my stocking that I’ve had since a baby. No luck, but he found a ton of other stuff! One of those talking Elmo’s that Jayden had as a baby that Ella now has fallen in love with. It’s like Christmas for her! So tonight she’s been going around pressing Elmo’s hand so that Elmo will sing Elmo’s World to her. He found tons books and their Finding Nemo movie… little did he know that I bought the movie yesterday for Ella. Now I have to take it back LOL.

I was going through some of the pictures that I took and found this one of Jayden… what the heck was going on with that expression? He is a crack up.

Jayden never ceases to make me laugh!

Jayden told Gino last night that Spiderman wasn’t real. Personally, I think this shocked Gino. Not because Jayden doesn’t think he’s real, but because Gino does think Spiderman is real. Conversation proceeded like this:

Gino: Just because you can’t see something doesn’t mean it isn’t real, Jayden.

Jayden: I know, Dad. I believe in Jesus and God, but I think Spiderman is a bunch of bologna.

Snow Day Pictures

Yesterday we took the kids up to my Grandparent’s property to get some pictures of them in the snow – so I could finally make some Christmas cards and get them sent off before Christmas. I can’t believe how fast this holiday is creeping up on us. Next week is Christmas and I’m really not all that prepared. There’s not 1 present under the tree (not because we haven’t bought any, but because we have a very rambunctious 16 month old daugher) and it’s weird. Also, this is the first year that Gino and I won’t have surprises under the tree and that’s kinda sad, but I’m happy that we’re both getting exactly what we want. I’m getting a sewing machine! I’ll pick it out and he can wrap it and I’ll act surprised and excited.

Anyway… so, they had lots of fun in the snow. Jayden got sleds and went sledding down the hills on their property, and even sled right into Ella. It was so sad. So, I took Ella inside by the nice fire and had hot chocolate. I finished our Christmas card last night and sent it off to Costco for printing. I’m not going to post it on the blog until Christmas ~ I’d like everyone to be surprised when they get it.