Oh she rocks my world!

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We’ve definitely been soaking up the summer days lately. Water parks, swimming almost every day, and lots of trips to California. But it’s the little moments that have really made their impressions on me.  You can’t beat little chunky babies picking weed daisies in the park.  Have I ever mentioned that daisies are my favorite flower? I probably could have saved a heck of a lot of money at my wedding had I just gone out and got some daisies for my bouquet.

Ella joined dance class. She’s gone twice now, and as I watch her I’m absolutely floored at the talent this girl holds within her. She picks up on the moves so easily – she feels the rhythm in ways I haven’t seen many 4 year old girls feel, at least not within their first class. I have to tell you that this absolutely excites me to no end, because she’s just so beautiful and I’ve always had these major dreams of her being a dancer…. at this point it’s looking up. Now I just have to pray that it’s something she always wants for herself as well.

And can you say admirer? Aliyah definitely loves and looks up to her big sissy! These kids never have a dull, lonely moment…. because they have each other.

She’s doing this new thing lately – where she does this tone in her voice that I wish I could pin point with words and explain. In a small little sea shell – it’s her KNOWING what she’s talking about, but having an unsure tone – almost ending her statement in a question. It just screams GROWING UP! Oh my gosh but I can’t tell you all enough how much I adore, love, cherish, and treasure the little girl that she’s turning into. She’s strong. She’s independent. She’s everything I ever imagined my daughter being…. and I am blessed to be able to be a part of her world. I don’t think God could have given me a more challenging and rewarding soul.

Ella, you rock my world, girl – this picture above is you agreeing to wear the princess dress to the princess tea party for your dear friend Chloe, but demanding the skinny jeans also. You are definitely your mother’s daughter…. and thank goodness you have my personality since your looks scream “clone of your father.” I love you, little diva.

Villalobos Family

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On June 12th we headed to Stockton, California to go to my family reunion – since I was in the area I decided to take on a couple photoshoots. I got to meet this family for the first time ever and loved working with them. I asked the oldest girl, Honey, if she had a funny joke for me and she said, “Cow.” Believe it or not it actually made me laugh. Jazzy, the little one, had my heart captured with her pecious cheeks and her big eyes! Here’s a few pictures from our session – to see more please view the slideshow.

Life is busy–but I am lovin it!

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I’m finally on a break from school and have been even busier than ever! We had my brother & sister in law come up to stay with us for a few days – best decision I’ve ever made. I think we both got to know each other in ways we didn’t really know before. I’d say our relationship prior to this may have been a little generic – we didn’t really KNOW each other…… and now we do.

I did a photoshoot of them for my father in law for father’s day.  Can’t wait to see the look on his face when he sees the pictures.IMG_2663_WebIMG_2666_Web IMG_2686_Web

Speaking of photoshoots, I have been BUSY with them lately!!!  Definitely a great and exciting thing, and every time I do one I realize that this is definitely what I want for my life.  I may be getting that degree in accounting right now, but photography is what makes me happy – photography is what I can see myself doing forever.

Aliyah’s 6 months now – actually 6 1/2 – she says “Hi” and a couple of times we’ve heard her try to say “Mama.” I think our entire family is head over heels for her.  Actually I think even my camera is head over heels for her, because THIS is what it gets to capture.  Pretty much no words needed….IMG_2774_Web

The impact that it had on me was astounding

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I’m raising a sneaky little snake.  Jayden lost his tooth last night and stuck it under his pillow with so much excitement in him I felt it flow through me.  The kid is almost 10 and believes in all the magical things still – including the tooth fairy.  He goes up later that night to go to bed and looks under his pillow to check on his first molar that he’s ever lost, and it was GONE!  After searching EVERYWHERE for it, we decided that he just needed to write the tooth fairy a letter explaining what had happened.  At that point Ella decided that she would go up and help him find it – the little sneaky butt girl led Jayden right to her pillow where his tooth was!

Yesterday I saw Jayden’s sensory issues truly affect him – pretty much broke my heart in two.  We went to a birthday party at a place called Science Works – there was a lot of kids, and a lot of parents, and a lot of noise which all caused Jayden to end up in the corner with his ears plugged. It made me so sad for him, but it made me feel so secure in our decision to bring him home from public school.  I wonder how many times something like that happened at school and how his mom wasn’t there to snatch him up and flee the situation.  I know that there are a lot of kids out there that have this and their parents probably aren’t putting them under a rock like I’m probably doing, but I can’t stand to see my sweet Jayden feeling that way. 

All of the kids at the party looked like they were having so much fun and clicked and connected together – even my Ella – but Jayden was a different story.  He didn’t cling to any of the boys, just played with himself.  I went to some of the exhibits with him and he honestly didn’t care that he was looking at the stuff by himself.  That’s just him – he’s okay with who he is and that some kids probably find him odd.  He told me recently when we were discussing how one of his really good friends at school called him gay that “friends just sometimes are there and sometimes go and do their thing, and that’s okay.”  Saying I’m thankful that God trusted US with HIM is a complete understatement, because I will probably learn more about life through that little boy than I ever could have without him.  And he’s right, friends do come and go and they leave their marks on your heart, teach you a lesson that you needed, and when they’ve served God’s purpose in being in your life they flutter off.  It’s like seasons, they change.  One of my favorite quotes is “Don’t be sad it’s over, be glad it happened.”  I hope that Jayden will be able to keep his optimistic views on life and people that he has forever.  My goodness that boy is amazing.

I was introduced to Stephanie Nielson’s blog {Nie Nie Dialogues} yesterday.  The impact that it had on me was astounding – all of the petty stuff that I’ve been worrying about suddenly felt so insignificant, and the bigger picture of life shone down on me and put chills all over my body and tears in my eyes.  For somebody to have such an enchanting and positive outlook on life after having 80% of their body burned is UH-MA-ZING!   I then went and found her {interview done} on Conversations, which is a Mormon podcast that sealed the deal on my new addiction to her life.  WOW. There are no words that can even explain what that interview can do to your faith and your direction in life.  Yesterday I felt down about all sorts of happenings going on in my life, especially the challenges that Jayden is and will be going through throughout his life – But the Nielson’s story touched me.  It just sheds light on the fact that we can and should find the silver lining in life.   

Heaven is for real – and it touched my soul!

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I’ve always had a pretty strong faith in my heart regarding Jesus, Heavenly Father, the plan of salvation, the church I believe in {HERE}.  It’s just something that has been so embedded in my heart – one of those things you just know.  So when I heard about this amazing book called Heaven is For Real I had to give it a chance, because there was a purpose in me reading it…. I just knew it.

It’s been 4 years, 8 months, 2 weeks and 5 days since my baby girl Mya left my womb and went to heaven.  Ever since this happened I’ve struggled inside with wanting to know what happens with her soul – do babies who die in the womb await us in heaven?  Will I finally get to say hello to her and smile at her smile and kiss her sweet face?  Will I finally get my opportunity to feel her in my arms?  While I have understood that her purpose on this earth was served and there is a reason in everything – including her tragic loss, I have searched and searched for something telling me that “Yes, she’s in heaven and yes she’s waiting for you.”

This book told me that.  This book put a feeling in my soul that I needed in regards to not only Mya, but our baby who we now call Taylor who we lost a little over a year ago.

My heart is filled with many little whispers that I can’t voice out.  There’s silent ache there that when the night it quiet and the kids are tucked away – I sometimes embrace.  It’s easier to push it back – oh man is it easier.  I know that embracing the hurt along with the happy is okay.  I know that taking my leap of faith in life to live – and stop the worrying about everything is okay.  I know that my babies are waiting for me in heaven.  I KNOW this now, and while I’ve always had a hope – this book…. this book sealed the deal for me.

I have two extremely lovable, extremely cute and perfect little girls that remind me everyday that I went through that devastating pain of losing those babies for a reason.  THEY are my reasons.

I know we’ll never understand the big picture of our purpose. It’s something that wrapping our heads around isn’t fully possible. Faith helps me there – I have faith that there is a big picture, that there is a reason to my love, my sadness, my happiness…. my beautiful life.

There’s little things that we need to appreciate every day. Things like the worn tap shoes that my son wears on his feet and gets in front of over 200 people to tap his precious heart out. Knowing that these shoes, right here are truly to poetry to his feet. He sings from his feet – he whispers from his feet – there’s a story to be told with his feet. 

Every girl needs a sister. Every girl needs a best friend that is there for life. A sister is ALWAYS there when the world doesn’t stop.
A sister is a little bit of childhood that can never be lost – even for an older brother. There’s an extreme amount of love that flows out of this boy for his sisters.

This little one in our family is growing up on us. I knew it was going to happen. I just knew it. In less than 2 weeks she’ll be half a year…. damn it I blinked. She’s starting to love her toys, and watches her siblings with her eyes all lit up. She does this gurgle thing with her voice when she’s trying to talk to you. When you talk back to her or she thinks your talking to her, she does this little flirty thing that is HILARIOUS – and cute of course. I thought about putting her in her crib so I don’t create this cosleeping nightmare like I created with Ella…. but I just can’t do it. I love to snuggle her and soak up her littleness.

I’ve been thinking a lot lately about being a mother. The excruciating pain it entails when you think back on the events of the day and recall all the screw ups you did. The yelling that could have been avoided – the imperfections that could have been done without. It’s times like these that I feel so grateful I can pray. It’s times like these that I feel so grateful that not only do I know that God will forgive me, but that my children are so quick to forgive me for my imperfections…. and I have no problems apologizing every day to them for not being perfect. But as I crawl in bed each night, and I shut my eyes to pray – I know that it’s okay. I will never be perfect. But I love these kids more than words on this blog could ever describe.

Nothing but everything to say

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She’s not growing up as quickly as the other two did.  I feel as if she’s soaking up her babiness – and I love it.

She’s 5 months already. She started sitting up a few days ago, and eating foods through her meshed little holder {coolest thing I’ve ever seen!}  She’s teething, but I’ve noticed a HUGE difference ever since she started wearing her new amber necklace.

She’s such an amazing little soul that I just can’t get enough of.  Ella and Jayden adore her and have been nothing short of an amazing help with their new little sister.  I feel like I’m discovering more about myself as a mother this time around.  I’m realizing things that are important, things that aren’t.  I’m remembering that the days are long, but the years are short – so I try to treasure every moment with Aliyah being so small, cuddly, loving, BABY.  The idea that she’s approaching her half year mark makes me cringe a little inside.  I’m not rushing the milestones.  I’m just enjoying the small things.

I probably have around 7 unpublished blog posts.  Posts I’ve started and not finished, posts I chose not to share – I feel like lately I have so much to say yet nothing to say, if that makes any sense to you.  I might release those blog posts soon – I don’t know.

I feel unorganized a bit in my life. I don’t feel like reading blogs and writing on my blog is going to help me in that department, so I’ve sortof strayed a little to get myself and my home life a little more organized – and I’m so not even close! There’s so much CRAP that I just need to get rid of. I’m trying to simplify things in my home, with my friends {I’ve had to dejunk a few of those as well} and really try to reach within ME to figure out things that I need in my life.

While I feel a tad unorganized lately, one thing still remains a constant, and that’s this beautiful family of mine. I was sitting here tonight thinking about how lucky I am to be in love with my best friend, to have these amazing kids who drive me CRAZY during the day, but hold all this love for me and I for them. We’re not a perfect family, but we are a family – and a family who has fought hard to be where we are today. A girl I know – her family is falling apart right before her eyes. Her husband decided he was done. I can’t be more thankful than I am at this moment to have a husband that is in it for the long haul – that isn’t willing to throw the towel in when perfection doesn’t exist. This man right here…. he’s my happily ever after. Thank God for him.

This is why being a mom is hard!

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My kid does not have friends.

It has nothing to do with the fact that he’s not in school, because he had no friends there for the 3 1/4 years he was there.

As I’ve mentioned before, he has a language disability and it makes him socially awkward.  This in turn makes other kids and probably their parents think he’s weird and then they don’t give him a chance to open up and know the sweet, lovable, amazing Jayden that there is to know.  If you ask him who his best friend is he usually will say this girl he went to school with who probably doesn’t even pay any mind to him.  It’s heart breaking to me, and I can only ask a parent so many times if their kid will play with my kid.

Jayden is going to be 10 years old and it’s not okay to not have a friend that you can invite over to hang out with you, ride bikes with, play video games – just plain out be a kid with!

He’s okay with it.  He’s happy and enjoys doing the things that he loves like video games and playing games with his 3 year old sister, but a 10 year old’s best friend is not supposed to be a 3 year old.  I have him involved in activities and he enjoys them while he’s there – but that’s the extent of Jayden’s social life.  Tonight I picked him up from boyscouts to see him running around and around and around singing this song that’s in his head while the other kids are just quietly standing there.  He’s different!  We’re all different!  Why in the hell is it so hard to my son to have a damn friend who will accept him for who he is?!  We’re Mormon!  Hell, shouldn’t some of the kids in our ward befriend him?  No.  He doesn’t get invited to the birthday parties, he doesn’t get invited to ANYTHING – Jayden is ALWAYS the one left out and forgotten.

Look at him – he’s the sweetest kid you’d ever meet.  I don’t get it.  And I really don’t know what to do about it, because my heart is breaking.  

These are reasons why being a mom is hard. Not the fact that you have to actually take care of them, pay attention to them, feed them – all of that is easy peasy in my book! It’s the worrying about their health, their heart, their feelings, how this horrible, cruel world will treat them.

 

 

The little truly know what it’s all about

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There’s this time in life when there’s no stress; no worries. The rising sun and the fluttering butterflies are the here and now – nothing else matters.

I’ve been paying attention to a lot of the young children these days and am sad to see so many growing up way too early. It is our job as parents to keep them innocent. I’m seeing 11 year olds with makeup and dressed like they’re 19 and I cringe inside. Why in the world would their moms take their childhood away from them?! I’m sorry, but there is absolutely NO NEED in this world for a 12 year old, let alone an 11 year old to be wearing makeup! 13 should only be the introduction to light makeup!

I just don’t fully get the rush! I know that the tweens are just DYING to dip their toes into the life of a teen and shortly after adulthood, but dang it! Once they are in their 20’s they’ll look back and wish that they still were innocent; still didn’t understand the worries of the world.

They’ll wish that they could have a tea party on the beach

Something about this picture is more refreshing than I can really, truly put into words. I can try to muster this out though, we live our lives by moment by moment. This moment, right here where the girls are so innocently gazing at the ocean makes me realize something so simple.

Life each moment like it’s your last, treat people like it’s the last time you’ll see them, chase your dreams no matter how old you are, reach within the depths of your soul and pull out that inner child within you – and remember that each moment that we have on this earth is a gift so treat it that way <3

I’m FASHIONABLY Late! Ultimate BLOG Party!!

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I’ve had this whole post envisioned in my brain to do for the Ultimate Blog Party – because, come on! The Ultimate Blog Party post has got to be THE post….

But, my dear new friends, the post I envisioned isn’t happening. Because that’s life! It’s havoc and while it might be enchanting havoc….. at moments it’s definitely HAVOC.

So while I wanted to invite you in to grab a warm cup of goodness or a nice cold class of bubbly somethin somethin while you went on a guided tour around my blog, I’m gonna say – no major guided tour. Just a few little things about me –

I am mom with a camera.

I am a mom with a 9 year old boy who loves to tap dance.

I am a mom of a 3 year old diva whose favorite movie is Grease {gotta love her!} and loves to sing in the mirror. 

I am the mom of a 4 month old scrumptious baby girl that I just can’t kiss enough!

I am a special needs mom. My son has Sensory Processing Disorder along with ADHD and pragmatic language disorder. But he’s the sweetest dang thing that I’ve ever seen. My daughter has wolf parkinson white syndrome {a heart condition that puts her into SVT – if you’ve heard of Stellen basically she’s like him…. just controlled with meds} – She’s almost died. Twice. There actually was a moment in my life where I thought my daughter was dead.  The feeling I felt at that moment has forever changed who I am inside, and how I live my life.

I am PROUD to say that I am a new homeschoolin’ mama!!!!  And thank goodness I have the blog world to grab my hand and lead me down this new awesome journey!!

I am a positive inspirational JUNKIE!!!! I have a way of finally being able to see the sunny side of every situation….. even the really dark ones. Normally when I’m with it – haven’t been lately – I host an inspirational carnival on Mondays. It’s called Just a Motivating Monday. I usually do a post on positive thinking or ways to make you feel good inside and put a linkup for others to join in. If one of my posts helps one person…. EVER…. then my Motivating Mondays have served its purpose.

A little about my love of blogging:

There’s a whole lot of blogs out there…. so many that sometimes I feel overwhelmed and saddened that I can’t go and read them all. Blogging to me has shown me basically into the souls of some amazing people. I say people, because the dad blogs out there RAWK! I’ve found that I’m not alone in so many of life’s events that I go through, and reading others’ experiences helps me to grow from and understand mine. I have discovered my love for photography through blogging. I have found my little corner in this extremely huge blogoverse and poured my heart out. I’ve let strangers into my heart that I’ve never talked to, never met, yet have turned them into friends.

Blogging is a part of me.

~ Thank you for stopping by ~

Simple days with my babes

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Spring break…..

Heaven.

I was spending a majority of today cleaning, doing laundry and having a much needed tea party with my girls, when a beautiful feeling of peace entered my soul.  Not having the pressure of something hanging over your head is something quite wonderful.  The past couple of weeks have been extremely stressful and having these quiet moments to soak in my children are WONDERFUL.

I’ve been working on something big for my love of photography.  I can’t wait to reveal it ~ no big date set yet.

In 1 week my little baby girl will be 4 months old.  She is amazing.  There really are no words that I can muster up right now to tell you how much my heart literally skips a beat when I see her smile at me.  It’s funny how you never realize something is missing in your life until it is there.

Right now I feel extremely complete.

Have I talked about how Jayden is in tap? Well, he is…. and I LOVE it and he loves it even more. Friday he had his first tap recital…. talk about CUTENESS! Here – see for yourself!