The Judging Game is OLD

This quote is now on my blog in many posts ~ it’s my favorite quote ever, and today I feel like I need to reference it.

“Each of us must direct our own lives, chart our own course and make our own decisions, and what is best for me is probably constraining for you. We too often forget the fact that what most of us need is to be nurtured, not improved. An emphasis on improvement confirms our inadequacies, while nurturing affirms who we really are and who really loves us. Too often we try to help others by seeking solutions to their problems, or giving them our plan for personal improvement when what they need is love, understanding and acceptance.

Let us remember these two things: that personal joy comes from appreciating the present and that the greatest gift we give to others is a nurturing heart.”

I really don’t understand why so many moms have to have that holier than thou attitude. First of all unless you are walking directly in one’s shoes you have no idea what their circumstances are. Making a mother feel bad about her choices is downright petty and sickening to me.

Similac screwed up. They had beetles in their formula. Millions of moms rely on this to feed their babies, and while some choose to use this, some don’t have a choice. So when I see on Facebook & Twitter comments like “My breastmilk has never been recalled.” or “Pretty sure that I haven’t had any beetles in my breastmilk today” it makes me want to click unfollow and scream!

Did you know that there are actually moms out there that don’t have the choice but to give their child formula and seeing comments like these only make them feel horrible inside.

I have 2 formula fed kids one BY CHOICE! {Go ahead, click unfollow} The other because she was mediflighted and almost died of a heart condition. And guess what ~ they are SO HEALTHY! I didn’t have issues with ear infections while they were babies, I didn’t have sickness after sickness, and our bond is JUST as strong as a breastfeeding mom and her baby’s is. 

I’m so tired of the competition. What works for you may not work for another. What works for me might not work for you, but God didn’t place my child with you and your child with me. Stop judging, stop thinking that your way is the RIGHT way, because it’s ONLY the right way for YOU…. not me, not her, not anybody else.

This doesn’t just stop with formula ~ it’s everything that has to do with parenting. There’s just some people out there that think they have it all figured out. While they’re juding everyone along their path of motherhood they’re missing out on the beautiful feeling that acceptance and a nurtuting heart can bring.

15 comments to The Judging Game is OLD

  • wendy

    Speak it girlfriend! Well said.

    Wendy aka @myflydays on Twitter

  • beautifully said. I won’t unfollow you because of it :) We all do what we need to do (my last blog post was all about mommy guilt-seems this is a hot topic this week!)

    I’m hoping that the people who make the comments regarding that “breastmilk won’t be recalled” are just relieved that they aren’t effected by the recall as opposed to being judgmental, I’m REALLY hoping that’s all that they mean!

    Keep writing your honest opinions because that’s what a blog should be all about! :)
    Jenn recently posted..Guilty as Charged

    • I would like to think that their comments are them just relieved they aren’t effected, but from the ones I saw I highly doubt it :( Thanks for your comment on this… such a sucky subject I had to touch.

  • Brittany

    Amen to that! There’s no right or wrong way to be a parent. Unfortanately there are many mom’s out there that don’t deserve to be a mom, but such is life. I think your doing amazing as a parent and dont let anyone tell you differently!

  • There may be some issues where moms really ought to make each other feel guilty. Breast or bottle is *definitely* not one of them. I’m kind of a breastfeeding zealot where my own kids are concerned, but I don’t know many other people IRL who don’t use formula, at least sometimes. Know what? They love their kids just as much as I do, like you said! I haven’t noticed any weaker bonding, less healthy childhoods, or less intelligent kids (except the ones whose parents aren’t too bright. I’m thinking there’s a genetic correlation there, huh?). Lactivist nazis need to get over themselves already.

    • You are right ~ there definitely are issues where other moms should make other moms feel guilty. But those issues are on the safety and well being of the child.

      I personally am really excited to give breastfeeding another go this time around. Nervous, but excited. But I know that in the event that it doesn’t work out I won’t feel too guilty about it, because I have 2 perfectly healthy, beautiful formula fed children already. Thanks for your comment on this, Cindy :)

  • Great Post Amanda. Unfortunately those that really need to hear messages like these the most either don’t read or just don’t care or actually don’t believe they’re one of those judging moms.
    That’s so true that what works for one won’t work for another.
    My sister was a “by the book” mom and “breastfeeding is best and nothing else”. Well her son wasn’t getting enough milk so she had to use formula finally (after she starved the poor little guy :)) And now he’s the picture of health!
    Tylaine recently posted..Friends you Love-Brittany!

  • purseblogger

    I love that you addressed this Amanda. You are so right. I wish people would just realize they need to worry about themselves instead of everybody else.

  • I used to be SO into breastfeeding. And formula moms would be mean to me! Isnt that crazy?
    Stephanie @ The Blue Zoo recently posted..Did You Know That I Make Cakes

  • I just want to cheer for this post! None of us ever knows what someone else is going through, so we shouldn’t judge.
    Shell recently posted..Pour Your Heart Out- Margaritas All Around

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