all around it’s just a crappy situation

Everybody in my family knows me as the girl who speaks her mind.

The only problem with this little tag on me is that I can’t speak my mind to them.  If you’ve read the history on this blog you might see the continuing issues of me not talking to this family member or that family member.  We have a major issue in our family with communication.  When someone has an issue with another in our family they usually will call everybody BUT that member to talk it out and hopefully have the person who has NOTHING to do with the situation step in and relay the message that SO AND SO IS PISSED or in other words isn’t thrilled with the way things were said/done/whatev.

It’s seriously a problem, people.

So, I’m the girl who has no problem speaking my mind in life except for when it comes to my family.  I fear that if I open up my heart to share how I feel about something that the person will cut me out of their life for a long period of time.  So I keep my mouth shut, brew it up inside and harvest bad feelings.

It’s a vicious cycle, but it’s one that is constantly going.

Here’s a moment that I wish my blog was private from my family and that they didn’t know about it, because I have to release the things that I feel inside and guess what…. that’s what my blog is for.  So I don’t know if these words will be read by anyone in my family, if they even read my blog…. but I have to get this off my chest.

My sister is getting married.

It’s not a secret on here that we went over a year with not talking to each other.  It was stupid and I’d say that we both handled the situation badly, but in the end here we are…. close {really close} and happy sisters again.

My sister has not asked me to be in her wedding.  Hurt doesn’t begin to describe how I feel inside, because I’m her sister….. I’m her lifelong friend…. I’m the one that will always be there no matter what, because THAT’S what sisters are for.  I’m the one that will always be there when the whole world goes out.  A sister is a forever friend, and I’m heartbroken that she doesn’t see me that way.  I’m heartbroken.  There really aren’t any other words.  We started becoming close again 6 months before her wedding, which is PLENTY of time to add me back in…. she just never did.  Heck, even her friend made alterations to her wedding to put my daughter in it after all her wedding party had been set.  It’s NEVER too late to add the people who matter, the people you love into your special day that you will remember forever.

I can’t imagine my wedding day without my sister standing up there by my side.  Had I not had my sister in my wedding, I can honestly say that it would be one of my life’s biggest regrets.

I feel replaced.  I feel like Ella has been replaced.  While this might not be the case, it’s how I feel….. and it’s crappy.

1 comment to all around it’s just a crappy situation

  • Laura

    Amanda, my heart aches for you after reading thi post…. I don’t have a sister so I can’t say I know how you feel but I can say this: what you do as a person and how YOU give so much of yourself to your family and kids is the MOST important thing in your life. If someone chooses to pass up the opportunity to have your beautiful smiling face next to them on such a special day, is a decision THEY will have to live with forever. Try not to let it get you down. You have an amazing family, 3 beautiful children and. Husband who is your true best friend. Continue to allow THAT to be your focus. (((((hugs)))))

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