The days are long, but the years are short.
Funny how true this quote is. Lately it seems like I’m tapping my fingers WAITING for bedtime, then I turn around and wonder how in the world is my baby turning 2 this year?! How in the world is my baby starting Kindergarten this year?! How in the world is my baby turning into such a handsome young man?!
When I was in highschool I had this dreamy vision of my life – New York City, High end accounting firm, living the fast paced life. It WAS going to happen.
Today I haven’t showered, I’ve been in my gym clothes since 3:00pm, pajamas before that – I’m rugged, no makeup ever graced my face, and I’m shocked as all hell that after this day I managed to floss AND brush my teeth today. At around the time that I’d probably be in some gorgeous board room, with exquisite chairs that have foam that remembers how my ass likes to feel in it, I was teaching my child pronouns. My plans changed SO much. My plans that I thought I wanted…. turned into what I realize my true dream was.
I’ve been thinking back on things that I really thought were going to happen, and things I thought I would accomplish by a certain age. My life was planned out by the time I was 16 – I knew who I was going to marry, what college I would be applying to, what career was going to make me the big bucks, and the city I would live in. It’s funny that not ONE of those things have happened. Starting with the boy – it’s amazing to me to see that what I thought was one of the most life crushing heartbreaks of my life, was just the entry way to my true destiny and happiness. What we truly think we deserve in life isn’t always what God has planned out for us – this I’m certain of.
New York City? HA! The town I’m living in I can walk from one end to the other within 15 minutes probably seeing a couple of people I know. There’s only 3 stop lights and there’s a little bar down the street that every once in a while you’ll see a horse parked out in front of. Definitely not New York City.
I don’t regret a single thing. I don’t regret my heart aches, and I definitely don’t regret not living my fast paced life in New York City, because here I sit the mama of 3 of the most beautiful little souls I could have ever asked for. I have been given the blessing to be able to be at home teaching them the things they need to learn from their mama. When I get frustrated in my long days with them, I really need to remember how blessed I am to be able to have them ask me ten million questions, because I could be holed up in an office in the middle of a busy tax time not being able to spend one hour of the day with them. I really need to treasure the messes, the loudness, the cuteness, the frustrations, and every second of my days with them. Because whether I realize it or not, the years are fluttering by fast and soon it will be quiet when once I heard screams, laughter and commotion. I won’t hear the pitter patter of feet running across my ceiling when they’re SUPPOSED to be sleeping. It’ll just be me, my rock star of a husband and our quiet thoughts and memories. These little people of mine have an amazing, fresh start at life that is so full of possibilities, dreams, and wishes. I have to remember that I as their mom have the sole duty of slowing down and making sure that I’m here to fully embrace their desires and help them fulfill their dreams. It is my duty as their mom to not get so frustrated over the little things in life, and the messes that stress me out, because honestly…. what’s the big deal?
All of my plans changed over one boy. One boy who wasn’t in my plans. One boy who swooped in to heal my broken heart. One boy who ended up being the best damn thing that ever happened to me. Together we have formed this life that I can’t help but be so proud of. We’ve got to travel down many different roads together as a couple – some unmarried, unhappy, and ready to throw in the towel – some happy, married and living in bliss. There’s been roads we’ve traveled down that I could have done without, but I know if we didn’t travel down those bumpy, rocky roads and experience the pain and loss and heartaches that we have together, we wouldn’t be us. My life as I know it starts with this boy – this boy I never knew would end up being my soul mate and the best damn partner in this crazy life of mine.
Through all of these detours in my dreams, somehow, some way – one of those dreams has fluttered back into my life. I applied to Southern Oregon University today after spending the last 2 years working towards the credits needed to enter the school of business there to FINALLY reach my dream of becoming a CPA. I wasn’t sure if I’d ever get to this point – kids, a husband, a house to run – but I’m here! I don’t know if we’ll ever end up leaving our little havenous place we’ve found here in Oregon to move to New York for the remainder of my dreams to unfold. No matter what, all that matters is that I have this amazing family of mine backing me up every step of the way.
Some of God’s greatest gifts TRULY are unanswered prayers.