RESET – Sometimes you have to.

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I miss my mom blog.

Life since I’ve stopped really mom blogging it up? It’s been invigorating. It’s been deliciously warm to the soul happy. I have been going to school to pursue a lifetime goal of becoming a CPA only to discover along the way that my calling in life isn’t about crunching numbers for somebody else….nope, it’s actually about the rewarding feeling I’ve been feeling as I’ve been helping and changing people’s lives with essential oils. I’m still in school, but I know within the very depths of my soul that I was meant to help others. The life changing things that have happened to people because I ventured on this new journey of sharing oils is humbling. Very, very humbling.

So back to the mom blog. I’ve gone back and did this whole reset button on what’s happening in our home. I’ve stopped looking outward at what so and so on Facebook is doing or said. I’ve stopped comparing myself to the mom blog that somehow just full on has it together. I’ve stopped stressing out at how perfectly clean friends homes can be when mine seems like a constant struggle. I’ve realized that perspective is so much more important. I’ve realized that the time spent in my home with my children is so much more important than the playdate I couldn’t find time for, or the mom night out, or the millions of kid activities I could be suffocating our lives with.

We’ve just learned to be.

We have our days where guess what….the TV is on for the majority of it, and Aliyah learns some pretty cool stuff while watching it. We have our days where I pull a frozen pizza out of the freezer and pop it in the oven and watch my childrens’ faces light up at the idea of having crap for dinner. We have our days that the TV is off and I’m completely involved and doing what “society” deems to be a good mom. Well, guess what….that day that she got to watch more TV than her routine morning Sesame Street and Daniel Tiger, I was being a good mom too. I was either cleaning or networking to give her a college education paid for one day. Most days, I cook a delicious, home cooked meal for this family, but sometimes you have to just pull out the mac and cheese box and smile at your kids as they’re stuffing their face and asking you what your suck was for the day. The moment that we were all just there together in the end was truly all that mattered.

See, I got to the point recently where it all was just exhausting…. the judging and the Facebook posts and blog posts that make you feel like you just suck at your life. You don’t suck at your life….it’s YOUR life! It’s all just about perspective. I could have freaked out and tore myself apart for giving my kids something every mom in my area would probably gasp at (I’m over exaggerating here) I just felt grateful that they had food, and we were still able to have that dinner as a family, because that’ what’s important to us. 

So, now, I just scroll down….if it’s a post on Facebook that is geared towards ‘I do this so much better than you’ I smile and think…thank goodness you do you and yours so well! I love the way I do me and mine.

It’s a relieving feeling.

We all are crafting these beautiful lives, and we need to all be proud of our lives. We need to embrace our faults and our failures and pick up the next day and try to be a little bit better than who we were the day before, but only for us. Reach within and find who you are. Reach within and discover what you’re passionate about. Focus on that. Life can be so beautiful when your perspective is on the beauty.

So I’m going to tippie toe back into blogging. There’s going to be a lot about my kids, because they’re my world. There’s going to be a lot about oils, because I believe in them. I’m going to talk sometimes about my church, which is the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints….also known as Mormon, because that’s what I believe in. You’re going to get positive, inspire your soul words, because I want to inspire.

So welcome back to my journey in blogging.

Project Life – Week 28 & Mia’s Babybook

This past week I started to back track and worked on Week 28 and started my new baby Mia’s baby album. Today she’s 8 weeks old! These past 8 weeks she’s been giving little glimpses of the personality that dwells inside of her. Every time she gives me that crooked little smile and her eyes light up I think to myself….there she is. There’s that sweet little soul who will one day be running around with her sisters, or going on a mommy/daughter date with me. I soak up the moments of screaming and snuggling and nursing and rocking, because I know that inside of this precious little body is a little person who is growing every day. This all will pass, and I’ll be looking back missing these early days with her.

This is a huge reason why I’m so grateful for Project Life coming into my life. I look back on the past years and it’s all a blur, because I haven’t been documenting everything and I don’t have my pictures in albums to look back on. THAT IS CHANGING!

 

WEEK 28 LAYOUT

 Week28 Layout

Here is the Left Side
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Here is the Right Side
0708-0714RIGHT

And this….this is my little Mia’s beginning to her baby book. I am so excited to work on this while she’s in her first year! I hate that my other kids it will be me going back and trying to remember. Shame on me!
First Page

The Mom Creative

Project Life – 2013 Week 29

Pictures give me anxiety…

absolute anxiety.

I take them…I take a lot of them, but then I do NOTHING with them. They sit on my computer, get shared on facebook & instagram and don’t even get printed to be put up in my home. AND I’M A PHOTOGRAPHER! Such a situation.

I’ve been searching for a way to start recording our family memories without feeling like I have to do a million scrapbook layouts. SO I came across Project Life. I’m addicted. Absolutely addicted. I feel like I have an answer to my prayers with this. The paper way of Project Life seems amazing and beautiful and SO much fun. BUT I’m a technology girl, and things are easier for me if I can do them on my computer….so I’m doing Digital Project Life. I haven’t decided if I’m going to order a Project Life binder and just stick my 12×12 layouts in a page protector or if I’ll just order a hardcover book of the year. For those of you who do digital I’d love to know your thoughts on this.

I decided to start with the current week which was from 7/15-7/21 {Week 29} and I’ll just continue to go forward while I start going backwards as well and eventually will be totally caught up with 2013. Once that happens I’ll start tackling prior years.

Here is my first Project Life layout ever.

Week29 Layout

LEFT SIDE

0715-0721LEFT

RIGHT SIDE
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You can learn more about Project Life {HERE}

And the winner is……….

I am so happy to say that we have raised $775.00 for this family!!!  Thank you to everyone who has helped make this possible.

The winner of the giveaway is…..

Out of 246 raffle tickets, #59 is the lucky winner!!!  Brenna Guderian, CONGRATS!!!!

I will email the winner and she has 3 days to respond :)

 

A HUGE signed book giveaway for Elliot

Sometimes the unthinkable in life happens.

This happened recently to a very dear friend of mine’s sister.  She lost her baby boy in a very tragic accident only 2 short months of her husband had a very horrible accident at work leaving him paralyzed.

When you hear of stories like these you rush to your children and squeeze them tight.  As a parent this is a very unfathomable thing – I just can’t even begin to imagine what emotional heartache they are going through.

The financial burden from her husband’s accident has now been intensified with funeral costs of having to bury their baby boy :(  I wanted to help in any way that I could, so I have contacted some of the best of the best indie authors who I love and adore so much to see if they would like to donate a signed book for a raffle that I’m going to hold.

To win ALL of these signed books you can purchase a spot in the raffle that will take place on Sunday, September 30, 2012:

1 Entry: $5.00

3 Entries: $10.00

5 Entries: $20.00

THE DONATE BUTTON IS AT THE END OF THIS POST

I want to thank all of the authors who are donating books to help this family out.  My heart is just absolutely crushed for them, and your generosity means the world to me and will to them as well.

You can see sweet Elliot’s memorial facebook page here https://www.facebook.com/ElloitLandon

 

A little perspective oh…and I’m writing a book!

Comparing.

I don’t think I compared myself too much to others before, because their life wasn’t publicly put into my face – daily. There are so many beautiful benefits to the internet, and keeping in touch and being able to follow along with your friends and family is top of the list. One of the downfalls is feeling as though you aren’t good enough in the things you do, because Sally over here is doing it SO. MUCH. BETTER.  Well, newsflash….she’s not – she’s doing it her way, and your way is perfect for YOU.

We’re all traveling a journey of our own. I love that I can pick and choose aspects of my friends’ and families’ lives that would make mine a bit easier and implement them into mine, but I also love that the things I’m not a fan of I don’t have to acknowledge. When they are doing things that I sit back and think….how the heck do they do it?! I have to remember that it’s their journey. We’re all traveling on these curvy, straight, bumpy, rocky, and glorious roads, and when you’re on one road I might be on another – that’s the point….it’s OUR own journeys.

So comparing?  It’s a sucky, sucky, PRIDEFUL thing to do – and we as humans just can’t help it.

I’m trucking down a new road on my journey – I imagine it to be a little bit of bumpy, rocky and in the home stretch I hope to find it glorious.

I’m writing my first book.

I’ve got this bucket list that I’ve got to get to working on, and writing a novel is on that thing.  I’m excited.  I’m nervous.  I’m scared.  I’m thankful.  I’m so thankful, because there’s this REALLY amazing community of indie authors and readers that have been helping me and supporting so much.

I’m surrounded by some of the MOST amazing, successful authors like – E L James, S C Stephens,  Abbi Glines, Colleen Hoover, Tarryn Fisher, Tammara Webber – the list can go on and on and on.  I’ve watched them traveling on their own roads, and their own journeys and I admire them and respect them ALL – even the ones I didn’t list.  Their books and their friendships have all have had a VERY profound effect on me.  A lot of their books I still think about months after I’ve read them….. before I started reading Indie authors that didn’t really happen very often for me.

It’s hard to start on a book writing journey when you have so much amazing talent so close to home.  You can’t help but start to, well, PANIC, that your book isn’t going to be nearly as good as theirs, or as successful.  Those were the first thoughts I had when I made my author facebook page four days ago.  Right when I announced it was made I started to panic….and then the # of likes kept rising and rising and it all became more and more real.

I remembered in my public speaking class what my teacher told us  - it’s all about perspective.  You can take your nervousness and turn it into excitement.  After she said that, and my heart fluttered back to Andy Andrews book the Noticer, I realized she’s so dang right.  Life is all about a little perspective, and I am realizing VERY early on that all of this nerve wrenching, scared to death fear that has been going through me just needs a little perspective.

I don’t really need to be scared, because this is MY journey.  If I allow my nerves and fears and comparisons to overtake me, then I will push my dream away from me, and I definitely don’t want that.  It’s all about perspective and I’ll just be allowing the intoxication of it all seep into me and MAKE this a glorious journey….. because it’s MY journey.

I posted a preview of my book on my new {AUTHOR FACEBOOK PAGE}, but I’ll post it here as well.  When my facebook page gets to 300 likes (not very far away) I’ll be posting the prologue to my new novel…..and VERY shortly after I’ll be doing a cover/title reveal as well.  This is happening, and I am so grateful to everyone who is supporting me and pushing me towards my dreams.

HERE’S THE PREVIEW…..ENJOY!

We were fifteen when Dawson first called me Bay.

He grabbed my hand as we ran through my back property out to the lake. The type of swimmin’ we’d do never required any clothing; I loved my private property for that reason. That day I could hear all of the crickets chirping and there was a light breeze givin’ me the chills. Dawson held me in his arms and whispered in my ear, “Bay, I know that Liam was the first boy to ask you to marry him, but I promise you right now that I’ll be the last. I swear to God”. The tiny little bumps erupting over my skin had nothing to do with that light breeze and everything to do with Dawson James.

“You’re so beautiful, Lyla Bayou, that I can’t help but feel exactly as I do when I’m sittin’ on the dock of the bay.” He started singing the song; I always melted at the sound of his voice. “So, from here on out, you’re my Bay.”

After that moment, the only time he called me Lyla was when he was angry or hurt. I sure as hell didn’t like to piss that boy off and hurting him was the same as hurting me. I quickly grew to dislike the sound of my name escaping his perfect lips.

 

My heart started pounding, and I thought to myself…. what am I doing????

I woke up yesterday and knew something wasn’t the way it’s supposed to be.  I’m happy, I’ve got my goals in place, and even though life for me is not a mirror of perfection, it’s my life.  The mistakes I make are mine, and they’re mine to learn from and grow from.  I try so hard to learn from my mistakes and not get in ruts that continue on and on and on.

I’m struggling lately.  I’m struggling with homeschooling.  I am scared that I am making one of the biggest mistakes by homeschooling Jayden.  I also am scared that I’m making the biggest mistake in sending Ella to school.  See the dysfunction going on in my head??  It’s one of those damned if you do, damned if don’t things.  The bottom line is parenting is hard.  Like holy freaking crap HARD!  Well, scratch that…. being a GOOD parent is hard.  The majority of parents out there are good parents, and while they might have totally different views than I do, there main purpose is to do the right thing by their child, and that’s what makes a good parent.

I’m trying really hard to just figure out what my heart is telling me.

The scariest part of all of this:  it’s only going to get harder and harder as the years come!

 

PRIDE

I’m not even going to begin to tell you that this scripture journal was my idea, because Shannon over at {The Red Headed Hostess} is responsible for my inspiration in creating my first scripture journal.  I don’t know if Shannon has any idea how many lives she probably impacts with her blog full of a wealth of information – but she definitely has impacted me in my life.  If you’ve been reading my blog long, then you’ll know that I’m a QUOTE junkie….she inspired me with being able to mix reading my scriptures, to recording my quotes, to speaking to my children about things I feel are important.

I don’t know if you’re a Christian, if you like to read things re scriptures, and if you’re not I don’t want you to read this and start high tailing it the other way, because when I speak about my scripture journal and share with you the insights I’ve had, a lot of the time they’ll be on topics that even the non-Christian can possibly take something from.

Through  my researching and studying I’ve found myself shockingly more inspired with things to write in my scripture journal than I expected myself to.  BUT I also know that blogging always helps tie things together for me, I thought maybe I’d share one of my favorite quotes that I found and share my insights on what it means to me, and what I hope my children will get from it as well.  My insights and thoughts are 110% for my children and their children, and their childrens’ children – I want my words and thoughts and insights and questions to trickle down and inspire them.

The scriptures testify that the proud are easily offended and hold grudges.  They withhold forgiveness to keep another in their debt and to justify their injured feelings.

My life is a perfect example of this.  I am the QUEEN of injured feelings.  I’m easily offended, which is something that I hope to be able to overcome.  I don’t think I’ve fully grasped yet exactly why being offended makes you a proud person {which gives me a great path to research on my pride journey} BUT I do know that holding grudges and trying to injure others with holding out on forgiving them does.

I started researching pride yesterday for my first scripture topic and I’ve given myself all of today to ponder this topic – yikes I’m definitely a prideful person, and thankfully I’m able to be more aware on this trait.  I thought about difficult people in our lives that make it very hard to give forgiveness, and people who continually hurt us in our lives.  What are we supposed to do then?  I guess the answer to this question is we have to forgive them in our hearts and then turn around and protect our hearts afterwards.  My dad is a perfect example of this: constantly in and out, acting like he cares, then proving that he doesn’t.  I have held a grudge in my heart and no matter how much I want to forgive him, he will continue to hurt me with every time I try to allow him back into my life.  In situations like this, I think the best thing to do is pray that they might someday realize how their actions and their prideful attitudes hurt people who matter.  I don’t think it’s our place to try to get them to see that they are hurting you – but it’s your place to not hold resentful and negative feelings towards them.  The negative feelings of holding things like this towards anybody in your heart brings such negativity to your life, that it’s not even worth it.  In the end, being a prideful person is only going to hurt YOU.

Continuing on with having things offend me, and people’s words hurt me – I tend to be offended, but I also try to realize that sometimes people say things out of ignorance and they usually have their own issues that they need to deal with.  Racist comments, which I’ve heard a lot of lately, highly offend me.  Instead of lashing out and holding a grudge and being angry and bitter inside, I find myself telling myself that unfortunately there are very close minded people who have their own prideful issues within them.  Having a mindset like that is what I’m grasping is the opposite of being a proud person. It is not our place to point that out or fix them – all we can honestly do is pray for them.  Heck, if I grasped hate in my heart towards every person who offends me then I really wouldn’t have much left in my life.  As for the people who hold hate in their heart towards me, that’s really none of my business right?  I have to realize that that’s their own issues that they have to work through.

I’m realizing that this topic of pride is HUGE.  There’s so many curves and roads I can travel on to press into this topic even further, which I just might do.

A different outlook, a new path – my life.

It’s very easy for me to allow life to get in the way of my faith.  Not a statement I’m very proud of, and definitely not a statement I enjoy being able to say.  But it’s a truth for me.

Today I finally took the plunge and went back to church.  I needed it.  I needed to hear whatever message would be awaiting me – and THANK GOODNESS I did.  Every message in every class was like this amazing breath of fresh air – the kind you didn’t know you really needed until your soul expanded with it.

My journey with church really hasn’t been a very long one.  I just can’t count my childhood experiences with church in my journey, because it wasn’t stable, consistent, nor did it have much of my thoughts and heart into it.  Back in 2007 when my family first started going to church I found myself molding very quickly in the “Mormon” form.  I think that I molded into what was expected of me so quickly that it just was too much for me.  I actually found myself being overwhelmed with it all, and when I’m overwhelmed I tend to want to turn around and walk the other way.

I started to compare myself to others at my church, realize that my thoughts will never be like theirs {funny I even thought I KNEW what their thoughts are}, and found myself not agreeing with certain aspects of the church.  I do 110% with all of my heart and soul believe in the Mormon church – there has never, ever, EVER in my entire life ever held one ounce of doubt on that being what I believe to be the church of Jesus Christ.  HOWEVER…. certain things that the church was putting energy into just really bugged and annoyed me.  One example: Proposition 8 – I don’t believe that our church needed to put forth so much effort in trying to stop gay people from getting married – I don’t share the same views on this as the majority of my church does.  I don’t see anything wrong with allowing them to be married, to be happy – who are we to stop that?  I didn’t like how I felt like certain members held themselves at a higher level than other people.  These were the things I struggled with.

I’ve had a lot of time to ponder things and I think it took me a while to realize that NONE of the above matters.  Those are things that are happening in not only my church, but a heck of a lot of other churches as well.  At the end of the day all that matters is my relationship with Heavenly Father and my example to my children.  I don’t need to worry about the social aspect of the church, the people of the church, some of the things the church does that I don’t agree with – all that matters is that I am there with my children to soak in whatever message Heavenly Father has for me and to give my children the values that I think are important.  And I have no problems with being ME while going to church.  I’m not perfect, I never will be – and I’m not going to change me.  I’ll continue to grow inside and keep the principles that are so important within me, but I’m not going to completely change who I am just to go to church.  I’m going continue watching R rated movies, and reading books that have hot as hell scenes in them.  I’m not going to stop doing the things I don’t have an issue with – and this is what I believe separates me from the majority of the members of my church.

So – I’m here at a new road in this journey, with a different outlook and attitude for it.

I feel so good about how my life is going right now.  Gino and I have been setting some amazing goals to tackle together and are continuing to just grow closer and closer together as a married couple.  Marriage is definitely not a walk in the park, but I feel overwhelmed with thankfulness that we are so blessed to be rewarded with happiness together for sticking with each other through all of the hard times.

The exciting thing about life, is we each have our very own; we each get to direct our own courses.  I love that what’s constraining for me might be an area of expertise on the people close in my life, and vice versa – I love this because together the people who are amazing forces in our lives are people who we can learn so much from.  I hope through my life’s journey I might be able to enlighten my friends and families on values and philosophies that I learn along the way just as I have learned from them – and continue to learn.

I am one lucky person to be surrounded by so many inspiring and selfless people on this journey in life that I am venturing on.  I love each and every one of you who have ever put any sort of profound effect on my life.  Everyone always enters our life for a reason, and Heavenly Father uses us all as tools to help Him do his work on this earth.  I want to be able to look back at my life one day and smile knowing that I was aware of the different lessons and attributes that each soul bestowed into my life.

 

Some of God’s greatest gifts – unanswered prayers

The days are long, but the years are short.

Funny how true this quote is. Lately it seems like I’m tapping my fingers WAITING for bedtime, then I turn around and wonder how in the world is my baby turning 2 this year?! How in the world is my baby starting Kindergarten this year?! How in the world is my baby turning into such a handsome young man?!

When I was in highschool I had this dreamy vision of my life – New York City, High end accounting firm, living the fast paced life. It WAS going to happen.

Today I haven’t showered, I’ve been in my gym clothes since 3:00pm, pajamas before that – I’m rugged, no makeup ever graced my face, and I’m shocked as all hell that after this day I managed to floss AND brush my teeth today. At around the time that I’d probably be in some gorgeous board room, with exquisite chairs that have foam that remembers how my ass likes to feel in it, I was teaching my child pronouns. My plans changed SO much. My plans that I thought I wanted…. turned into what I realize my true dream was.

I’ve been thinking back on things that I really thought were going to happen, and things I thought I would accomplish by a certain age. My life was planned out by the time I was 16 – I knew who I was going to marry, what college I would be applying to, what career was going to make me the big bucks, and the city I would live in. It’s funny that not ONE of those things have happened. Starting with the boy – it’s amazing to me to see that what I thought was one of the most life crushing heartbreaks of my life, was just the entry way to my true destiny and happiness. What we truly think we deserve in life isn’t always what God has planned out for us – this I’m certain of.

New York City? HA! The town I’m living in I can walk from one end to the other within 15 minutes probably seeing a couple of people I know. There’s only 3 stop lights and there’s a little bar down the street that every once in a while you’ll see a horse parked out in front of. Definitely not New York City.

I don’t regret a single thing. I don’t regret my heart aches, and I definitely don’t regret not living my fast paced life in New York City, because here I sit the mama of 3 of the most beautiful little souls I could have ever asked for. I have been given the blessing to be able to be at home teaching them the things they need to learn from their mama. When I get frustrated in my long days with them, I really need to remember how blessed I am to be able to have them ask me ten million questions, because I could be holed up in an office in the middle of a busy tax time not being able to spend one hour of the day with them. I really need to treasure the messes, the loudness, the cuteness, the frustrations, and every second of my days with them. Because whether I realize it or not, the years are fluttering by fast and soon it will be quiet when once I heard screams, laughter and commotion. I won’t hear the pitter patter of feet running across my ceiling when they’re SUPPOSED to be sleeping. It’ll just be me, my rock star of a husband and our quiet thoughts and memories. These little people of mine have an amazing, fresh start at life that is so full of possibilities, dreams, and wishes. I have to remember that I as their mom have the sole duty of slowing down and making sure that I’m here to fully embrace their desires and help them fulfill their dreams. It is my duty as their mom to not get so frustrated over the little things in life, and the messes that stress me out, because honestly…. what’s the big deal?

All of my plans changed over one boy. One boy who wasn’t in my plans. One boy who swooped in to heal my broken heart. One boy who ended up being the best damn thing that ever happened to me. Together we have formed this life that I can’t help but be so proud of. We’ve got to travel down many different roads together as a couple – some unmarried, unhappy, and ready to throw in the towel – some happy, married and living in bliss. There’s been roads we’ve traveled down that I could have done without, but I know if we didn’t travel down those bumpy, rocky roads and experience the pain and loss and heartaches that we have together, we wouldn’t be us. My life as I know it starts with this boy – this boy I never knew would end up being my soul mate and the best damn partner in this crazy life of mine.

Through all of these detours in my dreams, somehow, some way – one of those dreams has fluttered back into my life. I applied to Southern Oregon University today after spending the last 2 years working towards the credits needed to enter the school of business there to FINALLY reach my dream of becoming a CPA. I wasn’t sure if I’d ever get to this point – kids, a husband, a house to run – but I’m here! I don’t know if we’ll ever end up leaving our little havenous place we’ve found here in Oregon to move to New York for the remainder of my dreams to unfold. No matter what, all that matters is that I have this amazing family of mine backing me up every step of the way.

Some of God’s greatest gifts TRULY are unanswered prayers.

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