Author Archives: Amanda

I’m offically a soccer mom

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The only thing I’m missing in a mini van, and I REALLY want the new VW Minivan that’s coming out or came out. It’s awesome!

Jayden now is in Piano, Karate & Soccer. That’s 3 days a week of activities for him. Yesterday was his first day of Karate and today is his first practice of soccer. I’m happy that he’s involved in things that are keeping him busy and it makes me feel like a much better parent. I think it’s because I’m not keeping him cooped up in the house so I can work or get things done.

He’s doing so great in school this year! His first spelling test is tomorrow and we’ve been working hard on it. The words are cat, rat, map, am… so simple, but it’s so cute to watch his little mind think really hard about sounding it out and finding those letters that make that word up.

I’m so proud of him. I’m so proud that he’s trying his best at everything he’s involved in. He’s such a great kid and everyone that ever comes around him knows right away that he’s so special, loving and amazing.

Update on my brother

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My brother got his job and this is his first week working. He hasn’t been so bad to have around, but I still am ready for him to go. He’s totally taken over Jayden’s room, and that’s by far the most irritating part. He doesn’t do much around the house to help.

I feel really bad for his baby. My niece, Alana, is such a cute baby girl, and she’s in the saddest situation. Her dad isn’t around, and her mom parties, gets drunk and breastfeeds her. That alone KILLS me.

I wasn’t the most perfect mom in the world with Jayden. Well, I was pretty darn close to it, but there was a year where I didn’t make the best decisions. However, partying around your children is not okay. Breastfeeding while drinking is not okay. My heart is breaking for this little girl, and I’m helpless. There’s nothing that I can do. She was supposed to bring Alana up here this month and now she’s not. It’s sad that I’ll never know my niece. My kids will never know their cousin.

I’m not judging her, I’m just sad that I expected so much more out of her. I go on her myspace and cringe. All I can do is keep that baby in my prayers.

I miss her

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I read something today on one of my friend’s blogs and it really hit me. She too lost a baby girl in September 2006. She was talking of how she doesn’t want people to forget her baby. I feel the same way. This year I was a little sad, because I mentioned to some people in my life that it was Mya’s 2 year angel day, birthday, anniversary day – whatever… it’s like they didn’t even care. It’s nothing to people, because they didn’t love her like I did. They didn’t feel her like I did. So, it’s easy for them to just shrug it off and put it right out of their minds, because they’ve moved on. The sadness of the day my baby died is gone for them. It will never be gone from me. It seems like a blur, but my daughter is still dead and she’s still very much a part of our family and a part of our hearts.

I love Mya just as much as I love Ella and Jayden. I miss Mya and I never got to hold her and that’s one of my biggest regrets in life. I would have endured labor just to hug her once. Why didn’t I choose that? Maybe God knew that I couldn’t handle it. Maybe it’s best that we never got to see who’s features she was forming.

It’s been 2 years 1 week & 6days since my baby went away…. I miss her so much.

We’re Back!!

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The trip to Reno was AWESOME! Not so much being in Reno, but driving to Reno and home. We listened to Twilight on CD and Gino was finally brutally forced to understand what I’ve been talking about all this time. He likes it too. We’re only half way through the book, so I anticipate either him reading the rest (don’t see that happening) or us listening to the CD’s in the house.

The seminar was actually a lot of fun. I learned a lot and my tenants are going to hate me, because by law there are certain things that have to be in the rental agreements that aren’t. So, they’ll all be having to resign rental agreements when they just did that 2 months ago. Sorry tenants

Gino and the kids just hung out in the room while I was in my seminar and watched movies. After I got out we went swimming in their gorgeous swimming pool. Then we ate a yummy buffet and went to see Ksee and the kids.

It was such a quick trip, but it was such a nice break to get out of here.

Today is going to be spent doing all the things I don’t want to do…. I’m going to do laundry, organize the office so it’s ready for some major work accomplishing on Monday, avoid the Harvest Festival going on outside (I know, terrible, terrible mom – but come on!), get grocery shopping done.

The Moon

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I had to come on here and tell a funny story about Jayden. Every time we go up to my Grandparent’s house that live here my Grandpa always leaves every day at 2:00pm to go to “The Moon”. Now, what Jayden doesn’t know is that “The Moon” is a bar where my Grandpa meets his brother and they drink and gamble. I choose to keep this little bit of info from Jayden.

So, Jayden thinks old Grandpa that lives on the hill is an astronaut.

Okay now to the funny story….

I asked Jayden last night what he wants to be when he grows up and he says, “I’m gonna be a missionary, you know, like the guys that come to our house.” So sweet. Then I ask him about what he’s going to do after he comes back and he says, “I’m gonna sell candy.”

Lovely. So, I say, “But Jayden, you could be anything that you wanted. Even an astronaut.”

Jayden’s reply: “OH NO! MOM! I’m not gonna be old like Grandpa and go to the moon. I don’t want to be old!”

Monday Babblings

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It’s Monday and I’m motivated. I have a new blackberry curve and it has me motivated. New gadgets always get me excited. I was laying in bed and I sat there with my phone in my hand and went into the tasks and put everything in there that I needed to get done. I love going through and checking things off that I’ve accomplished.

Another thing I LOVE about having a blackberry is I have constant access to the internet. I can go to LDS.org and read the ensign, study scriptures and so many other things.

I’m going to the park with my cousin for lunch today. Our little girls are 1 year and 2 days apart, so they’re going to finally get together and play with each other. I really should be working my butt off today, but I really need to get out of the house and get some sanity back in my brain.

We’re taking off on Wednesday for Reno. I have a seminar to go to, so I have so much stuff to accomplish before I go, so today and tomorrow I’m going to be SLAMMED BUSY. I have to meet with my Aunt Julie who is helping with taxes tomorrow so I have a lot to prepare there.

I want to work on personal goals with myself. I’m reflecting on who I was, who I am, and who I am becoming. I want to be a better wife, a better mom, a better friend. Some personal goals that I’m working on right now is building a stronger relationship with my husband. I have done a lot of reading on LDS.org and I’ve become inspired by the articles in the Ensign. I have a wonderful marriage, but I feel like it could be so much more. So, I’m taking the initiative and I’m going to start just working on myself to see what that brings. We as humans are so selfish, and I know that I’m extremely selfish. I’m always concerned with what ‘I want and need’. I’m going to start focusing on what Gino wants and needs and actually really paying attention and trying to give to him.

I want to make him happy and I think him being really happy will make me happy.

Rude People

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So, if you know me. I mean, really know me, you probably think I’m one of the most rudest people out there. I’ve actually improved SO much in this area. I’m making it a point to try and be pleasant – even *gasp* in the drive through.

It’s funny how after I’m working on improving the way I present myself I notice other people’s flaws in this area. People really are rude, and it’s so unpleasant!

Last night we went out and got ice cream and then went to Fred Meyers to get Mya a balloon so that we could sign it and send it off to heaven. When we were leaving there was a cashier guy talking to another guy and then I guess he left right after we left. We were walking out to our car and I always open up my car door and put my purse and keys and then I open up Ella’s door and put her in. Well, this guy walks out to his crappy, and I mean CRAPPY car and says (very rudely), “Can you shut your door?!” and I looked at him and kept my composure and replied with, “As soon as I put my daughter in the car.” Then he says, “Don’t scratch my car!”

Okay, wow. First off I think I’d be a little more careful with my car being that it’s a lot newer than his, and what a jerk! So, he starts to back up and I thought Screw this guy. I turned around and flipped him off. I know, not very Mormon or nice of me, but he was such a jerk! He was so into watching me that he didn’t see the car behind him and slammed into it.

Lesson of the day ~ negative energy creates negativity. I had a good laugh and got in my car and drove off. The guy felt so stupid he wouldn’t even look at us after that. That makes me just want to be pleasant and never rude to anyone ever again. I’ve noticed that when I’m in that frame of mind that he was in negative things always happened to me.

2 Years Ago Today – It’s our Mya Day

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2 years ago today I walked into my house and smelt so good. My husband was making me tacos, because that’s what my baby girl loved. I was wearing this cute green maternity tank top, and I had just driven in traffic with blurry eyes. Blurry from crying them out.

It’s amazing how you remember such little things. I remember the nurse handing me a Kleenex box to take home and let me sit in the room until the waiting room had cleared out. My appointment was at 4:30pm, which was at the end of the day.

I had such high hopes for this precious soul inside of me. She was a blessing and I was so excited to have her join my family. That day, 2 years ago, my heart was crushed with the worst, devastating news I could have ever imagined. Mya was dead.

Tonight I’m sad. I’m sad that I didn’t get her balloons, because I feel like Gino needs to be a part of it, and he works. He works all weekend long. I still should have done something with the kids to remember their sister.

This is a day I dread every year, and I probably will dread it all the years to come. I just wish that I could have both Mya & Ella, and I know that’s not possible, but I still wish. I have come to terms with Mya’s death, and I have begun to understand that without her leaving me, I’d never get to see one of the most beautiful smiles I’ve ever seen. I’d never get kisses from the most beautiful girl I’d ever layed eyes on. I’d never know or love Ella. I couldn’t imagine my life without her.

Today, Mya, I want you to know that I love you with all of my heart soul. I will always love you and I hope that in heaven they have angel days, because you deserve it. Okay, now I’m so sad that I’m going to the store and buying you balloons. I’ll have them just in time to send them off when your daddy gets home. If they do have angel days you have to have something from your family, that loves you and thinks of you all the time.

Happy Angel Day, my angel.

Love, Mama

Wii Fit

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A few weeks ago I bought Nintendo Wii. Yesterday was the first day that I actually worked my butt out on it. Today, my abs are sore. This could only mean one thing………. I THINK IT WORKS!!!! It also means that I’m really out of shape for my abs to be hurting ~ I hardly did any ab work. New goal. Every morning I am dedicating myself workout on the wii.