Let’s be real here –

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I’m LDS.

I was born into the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints {Mormon}.

But I didn’t go to church all my life.

In fact church is rather new to me. Within the past few years new.

I have to come out and talk about a few things that really bother me. Things I keep to myself, or share with my husband.

But I’m disappointed.

I’m disappointed because this church is supposed to signify something so much more. Let me scratch that and start over…. THE PEOPLE in this church are supposed to signify something so much more. I know we’re not all perfect, which is why we all go to church. But GOSH! Why do some Mormons have to act like they are so much better than you? Yes, even as a member of this church I get that.

I just want to tell you that if you have ever been curious about the church and have been turned off by a holier than thou member – they’re not supposed to act like that. They are no better than you just because they are going to church and you are not…. or because they are going to THAT church and you are not. Trust me… Jesus sure wouldn’t be patting them on the back for treating you like that.

Don’t get me wrong…. I’m very much LDS ~ my whole heart believes in everything it stands for, but sometimes….. sometimes…. the people just have a way of ruining it for me.

I have to remember ~ it’s about the church and not the people.

It’s times like this that I wish that my blog was anonymous. That’s a mistake I think I made when I went public with it, because there are many things I wish I could come on here and talk about ~ stories that you would spit whatever it is that you’re drinking at your computer screen, because it is seriously THAT FLIPPING FUNNY.

But…. there are many people that would be offended….. people in real life. And my grandpa totally reads this blog… he might not enjoy reading about the fact that my 3 year old found my “fun bag” and started wearing certain things as bracelets. And she got into it TWICE in 1 day. Yes… I gotta get with the program and hide stuff here!

Maybe I should just be ME more on here. Recreating an entire blog just to be anonymous makes my butt pucker at the very thought. And then I might get a face like this –

and can I just add…. there’s really not THAT many members of the church that act like this – I am blessed to have met some amazing friends through my church. And it’s everywhere – I talk to life long members that have gone to church their ENTIRE LIVES and even they get the attitude of these few members who think they are the $H**& – sucks that their egos or whatever have to exist, but apparently they have demons of their own they have to sort through.

A Nice Dose of Beautiful

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I pulled one of those unannounced nice long vacations from my little world here online. I haven’t been by any of my favorite blogs – feel really out of the loop there – and have been knee deep in homeschooling, photography and soaking in the little moments with my children.

Not to mention, school…. oh my word school. This taking a full load at the college is somewhat exhausting this term. It’s almost over though… I’m about to have a breather which is much needed.

I got a new lens.

It’s the best thing ever.

50mm 1.4 – pure beauty I tell you.

It’s helping me produce images like this:



and like this….



and how can you not love this….


It’s taken my love for photography to a whole new level.

Couple of weeks late on this, but a little cute butt girl is 3 months…. she’s actually almost 3 1/2 months, but I have pictures for you to oooo and ahhhh over. This little girl’s beauty is so breathtaking to me I just at times don’t know how to contain myself from kissing her face all day everyday!



And if that all wasn’t enough in the beauty department – look at this!


And that little ball of beauty is a whopping 9lbs 14oz. at 3 months!

GET THE FLIP OUT!

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She still sneaks into my bed at night and smooshes me in to where I can’t even breathe.

My husband ends up going downstairs to the couch because he eventually gets pushed out of bed.

Before Aliyah came, it never really bothered me.

I actually enjoyed having my little girl snuggled up to me.

But now I have no room.

I can’t breathe.

She’s gotta get the heck out!  So we’re bribing the girl.

5 night of her sleeping in her bed {that is literally right next to mine} and she gets a princess canopy!

This morning…. at 8am my little girl slept in her own bed!

Talk about one proud mama.

What the little diva doesn’t realize……

her bed along with princess canopy will be in HER ROOM!

Day 1 down…. 4 to go. Please, Lord, let the work, because I NEED SOME FLIPPING SLEEP!

Time 4 Learning

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We’re breaking away from Connections Academy. As much as I think the program is amazing, I don’t believe it’s for a special needs child. We’ve basically spent the majority of our time trying to play catch up. So we’re going to do our own thing for Homeschool, which I’m really excited about! To start out with…..

I’ve been invited to try Time4Learning for one month in exchange for a candid review. My opinion will be entirely my own, so be sure to come back and read about my experience. Time4Learning is an online educational program that can be used in many ways including as a homeschooling curriculum or afterschool tutorial. Find out how to write your own curriculum review for Time4Learning.

I’m very excited to try this program out with Jayden, because I think it’s something he will click with.  I’ll be writing my review after our month of trying it out!!

No Motivating Monday….

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I’ve been busy.

I have this overwhelming amount of homework to do.

And I just realized that last week I forgot to do Just a Motivating Monday…. and this week I’m skipping it too!  SORRY!

I have a huge paper that’s due on Friday and it’s seriously taking over every ounce of my brain.

But I do realize I owe everyone an ever so wonderful post on Kindness….. and I promise this will be coming soon.  I just have to get through this paper!

But I also realize that you MUST be having withdrawals of baby pictures right?

I have this one… from today

Spiritual Expedition

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I have this drive inside of me that wants to go on a spiritual expedition. I want to search within the depths of my soul; within the depths of God’s words.

I want to get lost in personal and spiritual growth.

I want to devour in delicious words that feed my inner self.

I want to attain these things while having no other care in the world.

But it’s not possible.

There’s three perfect, beautiful little beings that require about 140% of my attention 24 hours per day. Not to mention a marriage that needs just as much attention so that it remains a marriage. Of course there’s school work that’s due every Friday, and hobbies that brighten my world.

So I’ll attempt to start this journey in addition to the rest of it all.

A little over a year ago I realized that I needed to grow.

I realized that petty stuff was getting more attention that the stuff that mattered.

I realized that I was living my life day by day and not dreaming, not planning, not prioritizing.

I’ve grown a lot since then.  In fact, I don’t think there are enough words to describe the changes that have happened in me.

But I know there’s so much more to grow; so much more to learn.

I’d love suggestions from YOU.  What books have you read that inspired you? What are your favorite scriptures that you can read over and over again?

The Footprints on My Heart

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I took these beautiful feet print of my absolutely precious, beautiful, sweet blessing of a baby girl Aliyah for my Valentine’s cards.  I couldn’t stop staring at them and thinking……

I started thinking about when I lost Mya and how all I wanted was her feet print.  I remember the doctor coming into the recovery room after the operation and telling me, “I’m sorry we just couldn’t get her feet print.”  I felt at that moment that I had lost her all over again.  I still yearn for her precious little feet print.  I want to be able to look at them and see that she did exist.  I want to see the little prints that walked along my heart and forever changed who I am inside.

I walked into my closet yesterday and stared at the velvet bag that contains a box which contains an envelope with the remainder of her ashes that didn’t get flushed down the toilet.  I felt like I was struggling to breathe inside thinking about how my daughter is in a box.  A box that sits next to my clothes.  A box that I try to pretend isn’t there.  A box I’m scared to death to even open.

The thing that brings some sort of peace to my soul though is that she’s not in that box.  I know with every ounce of my soul that she is a part of our family and that one day I will be able to hug her and tell her the things that I want to say.  I’ll be able to touch her face, run my fingers through her hair and tell her that she is just as much my daughter as Ella & Aliyah are.  That while my life has continued on without her, I have never gone a day without thinking about her.

A few weeks ago Ella asked who Mya is.  We just told her that she is her sister that’s in heaven, but I want her to know one day that Mya is her big sister who left this world so Ella could have a life in it, a life with us.  I want Ella to love her.

I like to think and say that it gets easier with time.  I don’t know, maybe it does.  I am definitely a pro at hiding the feelings that are within my heart…. even from myself.  On days that I allow the sting to sting I feel it, and it’s a wound that hurts just as much as the day I was told ~ her heart stopped beating.

……..I am so blessed for the two baby girls that I have been blessed with since the death of Mya along with their big brother.  I am so blessed that I have these beautiful feet print to look at along with the feet they belong to, so that I can kiss them and kiss them some more.

Because the lady at the store is totally in my marriage….

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Last week for my Pour Your Heart Out post I got an wonderful amount of people giving me support and advice on my {son’s new found diagnosis}…. I just want to say that I am so grateful for the amazing community that comes with this mommy blogging thing ~ and Shell you ROCK for starting this and being amazing.  With that little intro ~ here’s this weeks Pour Your Heart Out….

Why is it that once you’ve had your third child EVERY SINGLE PERSON you come into contact with has to ask…..

“Are you done?”

Let me retract here for a moment, when I said EVERY SINGLE PERSON, I meant that literally.  Everywhere I go people ooooo and ahhhhh over the {newest little addition} wrapped securely to her mama while sleeping soundly.  Her brother and sister aren’t acting too wild and I’m actually not a total basket case wondering what I got myself into.  Yet, everybody from old people to the lady at the check out in the grocery store to family members HAVE to ask me…. “Are you done?”

I get it, we live in a society where anything over 2 is unheard of, or crazy, or whatever it is that these people are thinking.  But to me, I love my children, and I love being a mom.  I have dedicated my life to ensuring that these little people are loved and hugged and taught and given the light of God’s word into their lives.  I have stepped up to the plate to teach these little ones everything that I know they will need in life to succeed.

My question is… so why is it that everybody is so concerned on whether I’m going to have more or not?  And even more than that…. why is it that people who are basically strangers to me feel it’s their place to give me the reasons on why I should be done?  This happens almost daily.

A marriage is between two people.  Outside judgments are not appreciated. Pretty sure last time I checked, the decision to have another child takes place within a marriage.  Sure, if I was a mother who didn’t take care of my children, form your negative opinions… whatever, but PLEASE do not pass judgment on me for being a good mom.  I know that a lot of people out there feel overwhelmed and spent from the one or two children they have, but I’m not.  I enjoy my kids.  The bottom line is it is OUR decision that WE will make WITHOUT you. It is honestly NONE of your business and your JUDGMENTAL eyes staring at my 3 well behaved, adorable children is not welcomed.